The boy who cried “Wolf!” may have been committing a horrible mistake, but at least his exclamation point was properly used.  Exclamation Point Abuse is everywhere.  Don’t believe me?  Just wait!  I have examples!

Exclamation Points

Today I saw the sad-but-true news of yet another Hollywood divorce that came with a sad-but-true use of exclamation points.  This is hard for me to write about because I find anything to do with Russell Brand a little creepy.

Nonetheless, this is the first 4 sentences of the story at imdb:

Even though Russell maintains his sobriety, Katy’s lifestyle made it difficult for him to resist temptation! Katy Perry and Russell Brand are splitting up, and sources close to the couple say Katy’s party girl ways caused the split! Russell, 36, filed for divorce on Dec. 30 after rumors of fighting with Katy, 27. But now TMZ reports that Katy’s superstar lifestyle drove a wedge between them from the beginning!

In case you weren’t counting, that was 3 out of 4 sentences ending in an exclamation point.  By the time I got to “!” number three, I had stopped seeing them completely.  The “!” to “.”  ratio would be remarkable regardless of the topic, but a 75% exclamation point ratio is particularly odd when the topic is divorce. I’ve had plenty of friends who’ve gotten divorced, but I never found myself writing about it like this:

Bob and Mary are divorcing!  Bob’s obsession with LOST and Star Trek drove a wedge between them!  Mary tells me that her hatred of JJ Abrams has been a point of contention with Bob since before their marriage!

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Emperor Palpatine and the News Media

There are a lot of bizarre things about The News Media, so today I am launching a new category here at AOB: Be-newsment.  This has been a long time coming.  As Emperor Palpatine would say, “It is unavoidable.  It is my DESTINY.”

Speaking of His Evilness, I really started paying attention to The News Media at about the same time that the Emperor made his marvelously wicked splash in Return of the Jedi.  This fact may hold a cosmic key to certain truths.

Emperor Palpatine and the Broadcast News Media has several things in common:

1.  They both are very white

2.  They both use odd language

3.  They both are frightening

 

Let’s look at these truths one by one.

 

 

Like the Emperor, the news media is very white

Duh.  There sure are a lot of white folks reading the news.

Like the Emperor, the news media uses odd language

“With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant” or “Gooooood.  I can feeeeel your anguhhh.”  I mean really, who talks like that?  The same thing goes with the news media.  I began to recognize this during my first quarter in college when I took a Broadcast Writing class.  The professor asked the question, “On local news, when the anchor throws to the sports guy, what is the first word out of his mouth?  It’s a four letter word.”… Satisfy your yearning to read more

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If you’re going to be in a Christmas Pageant, you’d be wise to take a potty break before donning the robes and heading for the sanctuary.  That’s what I did this year…I was happily involved in the production at a friend’s church.  (see here) However, when I got to the restroom at the church, I was greeted by this shocking request:

There are things other than toilet paper that need to be flushed.

Just sayin.… Satisfy your yearning to read more

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Christmas Time Was Here

December 27, 2011 — 3 Comments

I know those of you with liturgical calendars would tell me that the Christmas Season just got started, but it feels like it’s fading nonetheless.  As I come back to the keyboard, I’m having a little trouble transitioning from the Wonder of Christmas to things…more…silly.  What to do?

I’ll share with you something both a little sublime and a little ridiculous:  I was in a Christmas Pageant at a friend’s church this year where I played Miracle Max, the Innkeeper.  You know, “We’ve got no room.  We’re closed!”  (If the Princess Bride reference is lost on you, read this, then take your Christmas gift cards to Best Buy and get this movie!)

Don’t worry, we didn’t go too far.  No one was mostly dead and there wasn’t a chocolate covered miracle pill.  However, it does make me thing about the oft quoted Princess Bride line, “You think it will work?  It would take a miracle!”  It took a miracle.  It took the implausible, unreasonable idea that God would come as a baby to change the world and bring us the Way back to Himself.

So, I was happy to be Max and be part of some comic relief in a story that is actually a little sad.  A young couple away from home having a baby in a stable, a baby whose destiny, though victorious, would involve a lot of tragedy.  Sadness and triumph, joy and pain…sounds a lot like life.

It reminds me of the lines from A Charlie Brown Christmas:

Christmas time is here
We’ll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year

The Spirit of Christmas has everything to do with Jesus, and nothing to do with packages and frantic shopping.  … Satisfy your yearning to read more

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Merry Christmas!

December 23, 2011 — Leave a comment

Pretty Christmas TreeOne and all:  Thank  you so much for reading and commenting here during this blog’s young life.  I hope that you have a most excellent Christmas!

I will be in “non-blogging mode” for a few days, but will return after Christmas, filled with post-Yuletide amusement and bemusement.

In the interim, please feel free to browse old posts, the “Greatest Hits” or check out the post that explains why I’m wearing a hat in my Gravitar picture (hint: it’s a decades long awaited hat)  The Colossal Cranium Conundrum

Merry Christmas!… Satisfy your yearning to read more

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We aren’t an artsy / trendy family, but we’re trying something different this year with our Christmas tree:  The Minimalist Christmas Tree.  Just lights and an angel, nothing else.

All lights, trees, no mantis podsWe did this for one of three reasons:

1.  To make a luminous testimony to the fact that Jesus is the Light of the World.

2.  Because we’re too lazy to decorate.

3.  Because we thought it would be cool.

 

I report, you decide.  (Hint: It isn’t the first two)

We always get a real pine tree, just like Mary and Joseph did.  We light it with strands in close to the trunk as well as on the outside of the branches.  It makes for a beautiful tree, but it also meets a practical need we have to protect the safety of our home.

Before you start thinking me paranoid, let me explain.  No, there is too much, let me sum up.  On Christmas Day a few years ago, I was happily handing out presents to one and all when I noticed what I thought was a light covering of dust on the branches of the tree.

It wasn’t dust.  … Satisfy your yearning to read more

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Could it be that God makes people for the purpose of participating in one event, in order to pull off One Big Accomplishment?  I don’t think so, with one possible exception:  It might be that Michael W. Smith’s entire purpose for living on this earth was to create the 1989 album, Christmas.

Am I overstating?

To be clear, this is Smith’s 1989 Christmas album, not his later Christmastime or It’s a Wonderful Christmas.  Those are nice, but Christmas was an unexpected surprise.

In the 1980s, Michael W. Smith was firmly entrenched in his Pop Music period.  He made his Alan Parsons beard / argyle sweater & socks combo actually cool.  He had a genuine message, but he was definitely Mr. Christian Pop.

So in 1989, when I saw that His Pop-ness had released a Christmas CD, I ran (not walked) to my local Christian bookstore to buy it. (Yes kids, I bought music in a store on a thing called a CD.  I nearly broke my arm hand cranking my Model T to get there)  Having acquired my musical prize, I hurried home and put the disc in my stereo, prepared to ROCK OUT for Christmas.… Satisfy your yearning to read more

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There is a moment of decision coming that we all have to face:  Sunday Christmas.  Abstractly, it seems perfectly natural, even wonderful, that we have the chance to have church on the day that we celebrate the birth of our Savior.  However, concretely, we have family commitments and practices that make that hard to pull off.

In response, I know of at least one church that isn’t having services at all on Sunday Christmas.  No…church…on…Sunday.

What to do?  I can’t answer that question for you, but I’d like to reach into my past to offer a suggestion which has its roots in my Eternal Lutheranity (click here for more info).  I grew up Lutheran, a fact my non-Lutheran friends took to mean I was “almost Catholic,” as in, Lutherans are basically Catholics without a Pope.

I’m not sure about that, but as a teen, I’ll admit, I was envious of Catholics in 3 ways:

1.  Catholics have a high profile Top Church Dude.  Nobody cares if the President of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America comes to town, but if the Pope shows up, it’s mayhem.  That guy is a rock star.

2.  Catholics have awesome church buildings.  Really.

3.  Catholics can go to church on Saturday afternoon instead of Sunday morning.

Point number three was of particular interest to me as a teen.  Saturday church for Protestants was unheard of back then (except for Seventh-day Adventists, of course), so the idea that you could go to church Saturday afternoon and sleep in Sunday morning seemed like a dream come true.… Satisfy your yearning to read more

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Or, Honest, Abe, You Look More Like Clark Kent Than Superman.

 

The News Coverage of Presidential Minutiae 2012 screams across our TV screens daily with all the predictability and noise of an old wooden roller coaster.  If you listen closely through the rattling of the campaign wheels, there’s a common theme in the political arena.  What are we looking for in a president?

LOOK! Up in the sky!  It’s a bird! It’s a plane!  No…it’s Super Candidate!

 Faster than a speeding spending bill!

 More powerful than a Senate subcommittee!

 Able to leap tall deficits in a single bound!

 More virtuous than a bus full of nuns!

 More credible than a cheap lawyer!

 … Satisfy your yearning to read more

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