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What if JJ Abrams went all George Lucas on us?

June 3, 2013 — Leave a comment

OK, I know what you’re thinking:  ”JJ Abrams IS going all George Lucas on us…he’s making the next Star Wars!  Don’t you READ?”

Don’t worry, I am in tune.  But WHAT IF JJ Abrams and the fine folks at Bad Robot decided to go back and start updating the original 10 Star Trek movies to match the Abrams Universe?

Would Saavik’s name be changed to Felicity? Would General Chang now closely resemble Arvin Sloane? Would Terry O’Quinn be inserted to play the part of Sybok?  Would the entire pursuit be one big Mission Impossible?

As Mr. Spock would point out, there are always possibilities.  Here I give you my one minute of JJ Abrams infused classic Trek… (LOST fans, this is for you too)

It is logical.

I’d love to hear your comments below (or click on READ MORE if you’re not on the post page).

If you’d like a free wallpaper from this video click here.

If you like musings on all things Geekdom, check out these posts.  After all, I have been and always shall be your friend.

Read More and Comment

In amuse or bemused, Geekdom, Towards Ridiculous
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The Hobbit: A Trek Into Awesomeness

June 1, 2013 — 2 Comments

Captain Kirk as a Tolkien Elf

Yes, Mr. Scott, you can call me Captain Legolas.

Predicting the quality and durability of a movie can be tougher than walking into Mordor with a Ring of Power. Predicting the quality of a trilogy is even harder.  I, however, am ready and willing to take on such a monumental mission….quest…thing.

How can I be so confident?  I called it right on the brilliance of Peter Jackson’s Hobbit Trilogy before The Hobbit was even released.  (See The 3 Hobbit Trilogy Thrill-ogy)

Since the release of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, reviewers have squawked about various aspects of the project: making a trilogy out of a short book, the experience of  High Frame Rate 3D, the problems of pulling a sled with rabbits.  While reviewers fuss, movie goers have been flocking to theaters world-wide and having the time of their lives.

If you read this blog, you know I’m a fan of director Peter Jackson and of All Things Tolkien, so you might think that I am unqualified to objectively review The Hobbit or to predict the likely quality of the remainder of Jackson’s Hobbit Trilogy.  You would be wrong.  Wrong like “Saruman thinks he will one day rule Middle Earth” wrong.

The proof of my ability to gauge a franchise’s performance?  I’m a huge Star Trek fan, but despite my fan-boy status, I’ve always known when a Star Trek movie was going to stand the test of time and when it was a flop. The first Trek movie was released before I had a license to drive, and though I’ve largely enjoyed the Trek movies on some level, my responses to them when they were released have played out to be accurate over time.

So, I submit to you…

My Reactions to the Star Trek Movies At The Time of Their Release That Now Validate
My Overwhelmingly Positive Reaction to The Hobbit.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture.  Wow!  Star Trek is back!  The ship looks AWESOME!  I love the 25 minute scene where Kirk’s shuttle flies all around the outside of the ship!  Golly, Scotty gained weight!  Gosh the acting is wooden, but STAR TREK IS BACK!  (Cut me some slack, I was 15)

Star Trek II:  The Wrath of Kahn.  Oh, that’s right, THIS is what Star Trek is supposed to be.  Gosh, that Vulcan girl is pretty… is her hair style regulation? Wait, Spock dies.  I’m not supposed to cry at a Star Trek movie.  That’s OK, it’s dramatic, and I know Trek… this means there will be another movie, and Spock will be back.  This rocks.

Star Trek III:  The Search for Spock.  Darn it, I got choked up again because they repeated Spock dying at the beginning.  Why is Jim from Taxi playing a Klingon?  That’s weird.  Why is the pretty Vulcan played by a different person now?  This was enjoyable, but more of a “fan” movie… I’m sure they’ll make another one.  Fun. There’s More To Read Precious

In amuse or bemused, Geekdom
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Kid Rock Embarrassed and Embarrassing

April 11, 2013 — Leave a comment

This is a family blog, so this is a hard story to tell. To keep things clean, all f-bombs that would otherwise end up in this story will be replaced by flipping.

Robert Ritchie aka Kid Rock supported Mitt Romney in the last election, but in a recent interview with Rolling Stone, he blames Republicans for passing laws that make it hard to sell concert tickets cheaply. This would be, of course, because Republicans are in league with Big Ticket.

Kid Rock Embarrassed

Kid says that this is “one of the times I’m flipping embarrassed to be a Republican…it’s flipping Republican lawmakers passing those laws…”

Also, his righteous rage extends to Ticketmaster, who has the gall to charge $5 per ticket for the service they provide. Kid explains, “They’re taking a flipping five-dollar service charge…It’s 25 percent of the flipping ticket! That’s flipped up!”

Mitt Romney, once appreciative of Kid’s support, lashed out in response, “Kid Rock is flipping crazy! Who does he flipping think he is? Why is he flipping blaming Republicans for high concert ticket prices? I can’t believe this guy flipping supported me! Hey, Kid Rock, you’re flipping 42 years old! Stop calling yourself Kid. And learn how to wear a flipping fedora properly!”

OK, Mitt didn’t really say that. We know this for several reasons, not the least of which is that Mitt knows more than one adjective, and most of them don’t begin with “f.”

Chill out Kid. I’m pretty sure we have bigger fish to fry in this country than a $5 service charge on concert tickets, but it’s nice to see that you are helping to contribute to the elevation of political discourse.… Satisfy your yearning to read more

Continue Reading...
In amuse or bemused, Music, Man, Totally Bemused, Towards Ridiculous
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Gunning to Stop Drunk Driving

April 10, 2013 — Leave a comment

International no gun no alcohol

Every year, over 9,000 people are killed with firearms and just over 10,000 die in crashes involving a drunk driver.  From a numbers standpoint, this means that we need a solution to the drunk driving problem as surely as we need a solution to curbing gun violence, and everybody knows that if you need a problem solved, it’s the folks in Washington who know how to solve it.

In regards to gun violence, the Great Orator, Barak Obama, recently said “if we can only do one thing to stop it, we should all try and do that.”

I’m not sure that the President has actually come up with one thing yet that will help yet, so perhaps his gun control principles will work better if we apply them to the problem of drunk driving.

So here we go…

Obama Administration Gun Control Principles as a Solution to End Drunk Driving:

1.  Outlaw High Capacity Rounds
We’re going to enact a 10-round limit on ammunition magazines? Enact a 2-round limit at bars. Yes, it’s true that the loophole to this 2 round limit will be that drinkers will simply reload at another bar (which, of course, requires driving), but the limit will help lawmakers prove that they care.

2.  Outlaw High Powered Beverages
It’s Mayor Bloomberg and Barak Obama rolled into one!  We must bring an end to high capacity weapons of mass intoxication.  Really, why does anyone buy vodka?  For the taste?  We must eliminate high alcohol capacity beverages completely.  If the only alcohol people can buy is 3.2% beer, the era of drunk driving will be over.  Prohibition worked great the first time around, let’s give it a go again!

3. Universal Background Stupidity Checks – The INSIPID Project
Alcohol must be kept out of the hands of stupid people. While in the past this responsibility was thought to be held by friends and family of the stupid, we cannot rely on citizens to fulfill this role…we need to empower the government to do it for us.  To make  background checks effective, the federal government needs to immediately fund a $4 Billion dollar initiative to develop INSIPID (Integrated Nanny State Ignorant People Intrusive Database).

Integral to the creation of this database will be the elimination of web privacy.  Anyone who Google searches chugging contest will immediately be flagged, but people who search things like Piers Morgan Fan Club, Quote-able Chris Matthews, or I can’t name a state without the letter “a” in it will also be flagged as too stupid to be trusted with alcohol.

INSIPID will effectively curb drunk driving because we know that people only drink the alcohol they purchase themselves.  They never drink booze purchased by friends or family, and they never steal alcohol.  Ever.

Continue Reading…

In amuse or bemused, Appall-i-tics, Be-newsment, Towards Ridiculous
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In America, We Can Market ANYTHING, though not always the good things

March 7, 2013 — 2 Comments

There are a lot of unanswered questions in America.  Most pressing amongst these questions are the ones that decry the fickleness of popularity.  It’s as if the marketing landscape is high school all over again:  There is no justice in the hierarchy of who gets to be popular and who is not.  For instance:

- Firefly only got like 13 episodes, but American Idol is in its 38th season

- Serenity (the Firefly movie) never got a sequel.  There are, to date, 18 Twilght movies.

- People complain if you talk a lot about Firefly.

- I can find a McDonalds in even the most remove stretches of Kansas, but I can’t find a knish within 100 miles of my house.

- Snookie is a household name.  I am not.

And since I’m not a beer aficionado, can someone please explain how this ever made it to my local grocery:

Edmund Fitzgerald Beer

Seriously, a beer that is named after a ship that sank on Lake Superior in 1975, killing its entire crew of 29 people.  Perhaps its intended to be a beer for those grieving loss.  Or those who dread dying by drowning.  Or those who dread the song The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Continue Reading…

In amuse or bemused, Music, Man, Towards Ridiculous, WUT?
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Touched by Survivor: The Bible as TV

February 20, 2013 — Leave a comment

During a recent repeat viewing of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey in the theater (have I mentioned here, here, and here that I like The Hobbit?) I saw a Behind the Scenes promo about an upcoming History Channel series based on the Bible that is cleverly entitled The Bible.  I know very little about the 10 hour miniseries beyond these three major points that cannot be denied:
 Bible as TV

FACT:  The Bible can’t be the entire Bible.

We know this for two reasons:  the Bible is really long, and parts of the BIble would make terrible television.  By the time you got to the mold laws and classifications of sores as clean or unclean in Leviticus, you’d pretty much have lost even the most devout audience members.  Then again, perhaps you could bring in the Veggie Tales folks to do animated mold characters who act out the mold laws.  Somebody get me the phone number for Big Idea!

FACT:  There are risky “re-imagining” possibilities.

The World’s Most Famous Irish Angel, Roma Downey, and her Hubby Mark Burnett are producing the series.  Does this mean that The Annunciation to young Mary that she is going to be pregnant will no longer be handled by the angel Gabriel saying “Blessed art thou among women” and will instead be the angel Monica who starts her speech with “Gaaaudt loofs euuwe”?

And…

Producer Mark Burnett’s most famous work to date is as a producer for Survivor.  Will his work on The Bible result in a re-imagining of the Temptation of Jesus in the Wilderness in which a large group of potential apostles must compete in Survivor-style Temptation Games in order to win a spot in the Final Twelve?  (If so, we know Judas is going to cheat somehow)  WIll the role of Satan be played by Jeff Probst?  One things for sure: the Immunity Idol will get consumed by heavenly fire at some point. Continue Reading…

In amuse or bemused, Towards Ridiculous
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Concerning Hobbits… and Geeks

December 27, 2012 — 4 Comments

I am now old enough to stop trying to pretend that I can fool people into thinking I’m not a geek.  Read that again because it is both well constructed and important.  If you don’t like geeks, you aren’t going to like this.

On the Saturday before the premiere of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, I, along with my family, committed the ultimate act of committed geekdom:  we attended the Lord of the Rings Marathon at our local theater.  All three Lord of the Rings Extended Versions on The Big Screen.

12 hours of movie.

14 hours at the theater.

One day.

One Ticket to Rule Them All.

Being a True Fan, I arrived slightly ahead of the rest of the 25 people who attended.  We got good seats.

The One Spectator

The end result was an insane theater food bill, a little bit of a headache, and an AWESOME day watching an extremely well told 12 hour story.  Only five days later, it was time for the midnight premiere of The Hobbit.  I organized family and friends and ultimately had a group of 11 people ready with pre-purchased tickets for The Hobbit midnight show.

My daughter attended wearing an awesome homemade Galadriel costume.  I suggested to her that I could go as Gandalf, but she had a better idea:  Go as director Peter Jackson.

The Real Peter Jackon

I consented.

Faux Peter Jackson

It’s amazing what black dye, a flannel shirt, round glasses, and a faux Oscar can do to transform your appearance.  By being Mr. Tolkien Movie, I had ample opportunity to rub elbows with die hard fans.  I also got to try out my hard-won Kiwi accent.  (Tip: always say “Hobbit” so that it sounds like a question, and pronounce it haaaw-BET) Continue Reading…

In amuse or bemused, Geekdom, Towards Ridiculous
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Two and a Half Men and Angus T. Jones – The Sound and the Fury

December 2, 2012 — Leave a comment

Have you heard the news this week?  Entertainment reporters are all a-flutter, proclaiming that 19-year-old Angus T. Jones, the “half man” in Two and a Half Men, joined a cult and went insane, ranting crazy accusations about the show he became a star of at the age of 10.

two and a half men now

I’ve had a busy week, so when I heard The Big News, I had to start doing some research on the interwebs.  Here’s a rundown of the sound and fury…

News Factoid 1: Angus T. Jones went on a crazy rant

From E! :

Angus T. Jones’ shocking remarks, in which he denounces Two and a Half Men as “filth,” has people close to him deeply concerned about his well-being.

He made “shocking remarks”?  Oh my goodness, is it a Charlie Sheen meltdown all over again?  Poor kid.  So I looked up his most quoted shocking remark:

If you watch ‘Two and a Half Men‘, please stop watching ‘Two and a Half Men’. I’m on ‘Two and a Half Men’. I don’t want to be on it. Please stop watching it. Please stop filling your head with filth, please.

Wow, that’s shocking.

I’m pretty sure I’ve had similar thoughts the few times I’ve watched the show.  And a rant? It’s a 42 word statement in which he says please 4 times.  That makes it 10% please.  If you are going to rant at me, please use Angus T. Jones’ rant as a model.  That’s one polite rant. Continue Reading…

In amuse or bemused, Totally Bemused
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Disney Star Wars Villain Revealed!

October 31, 2012 — 4 Comments

There is nothing more magical in Hollywood than cross media marketing, there is nothing more buzz producing than casting against type, and there is nothing more shocking than a Disney Princess who has turned to evil.  Meeting the Uber Villain for Star Wars 7, 8, and 9:

Selena Gomez as The Emperor

Emperor Selena Gomez

Is it possible that Justin Bieber will be Darth Insidious?  This would also open the doors to an All Singing, All Dancing Star Wars Musical!

Selena Gomez Star Wars

She’s already been a wizard, right?

What would the songs be for a Gomez / Bieber Star Wars musical?  I’m not very conversant about these two.

(pictures through the brilliance of crayonscanmelton.us)

 

In amuse or bemused, Geekdom, Towards Ridiculous, WUT?
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