The Middle-Earth-Shattering news that Peter Jackson will be releasing not two, but three Hobbit films has a portion of the interwebs a-buzz with chagrin about what this all means.
As I read some of the fan boy negativity, I had that horrible feeling, for just a moment, that I was at a Star Trek convention after it was revealed that the guy who wrote the Klingon language doesn’t actually speak Klingon. You don’t want to go there. Believe me.
But, fear not, loyal Middle Earthers! Allow Uncle JT to put your minds at ease on the topic of the Hobbit Trilogy. Think of this as The One Post:
One Post to rule them all, One Post to find them,
One Post answers them all and in the blogosphere binds them!
(Aside – Sir Ian McKellan, please feel free to email me a video of you reciting these lines to post here. I ask so little…)
The Top 10 Complaints about Peter Jackson’s Hobbit Trilogy Announcement and My Humble Responses.
1. There Isn’t Enough Material
Jackson is drawing from The Hobbit and 125 pages of Tolkien’s notes from Lord of the Rings. Tolkien could say more in one sentence than I will say in this entire post. Are you trying to dare Jackson to make it a Quadrilogy?
2. This Is Like When They Split the Twilight Finale In Two
You just compared Twilight to the works of JRR Tolkien. Say you’re sorry and shut up.
3. Tolkien’s Notes Aren’t a Movie Script
A movie script makes a terrible book. A book (in its natural state) makes a terrible movie script. Peter Jackson makes Tolkien books into Things of Beauty. I know it, you know it, the American people know it.
4. They’re Making an Additional Sequel for the Money
Let’s clear something up: all big budget films are made for the money. That’s why they call it The Movie Business. JRR Tolkien sold the movie rights for the money. You work for the money. I’m writing this blog for the money. Oh, wait, no…never mind.
5. The Third Film Will Be Lame
It’s not like they hired the Farrelly Brothers to direct the third film. Relax.
6. I’m Disgusted By The Hollywood Obsession With Sequels
Yes. I see your point. I can’t believe Peter Jackson! Now pardon me while I take a moment to pre-order my tickets for Skyfall (aka the 23rd James Bond movie)
7. The Sixth Film in a Series Stinks! Remember Star Wars III?
Yeah, I hate Star Wars roman numeral math, but you got me there. Now clear your mind and remember Star Trek VI – The Undiscovered Country. Captain Von Trapp as a Klingon with an eye patch bolted to his head. Transcendent! Do you feel better? Now cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!
8. We Have to Buy 3 Tickets to See The Whole Story!
Your argument assumes I’m going to see each film only once.
9. What If These Changes Delay the Release of the Lego Hobbit Video Game?
Ooo, now you have a point…
10. Millions of Idiot Fans Will Show Up For This Unnecessary Film
And you’ll be at home watching the 1977 Hobbit cartoon, right? Fly, you fools!
As an addendum, there is the problem of what to name the third film The first two are The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and The Hobbit: There and Back Again. For the third, I suggest The Hobbit: It Comes in Pints!
Do you have any other point/counter point for the trilogy announcement? Or, do you have a better title for the third installment?
I mean, if Lego Lord of the Rings get’s pushed back there will be hell to pay. oh, and this:
http://www.slashfilm.com/peter-jacksons-hobbit-trilogy-will-conclude-july-18-2014-second-film-gets-new-title/
Funny you bring up the Lego version. I was just commenting last night that Lego Star Wars and Indiana Jones are GENIUS.
I bet Lego LOTR is safe. Maybe Lego Hobbit will get delayed. It’s all good, right? More Lego Tolkien! (Ahh, if JRRT could see us now?)
Is it just me, or does Peter jackson kinda’ look like a Hobbit?
I’m pretty sure he actually IS a Hobbit.
That’s how he directs these with such authority and accuracy, which I mean as a TOTAL compliment, obviously!
Loved this! Read it to my wife, who’s a Tolkien nerd.
Thanks! I like to think of it as “Tolkien aficionado.” My wife’s got me beat there.
Gotta brush up on my Elvish, lest I be accused of being a Elvish impersonator.